Naked Moments

I have had three “Moments of Nakedness” recently. By this I mean moments when you feel so close to something, a thought, an understanding, a person, a moment of seeing or hearing, that you feel like you are naked within this moment of before it.

The first one was while watching the commemorations for the First World War battle of Paschendale, on the TV, held at the Menin Gate in Ypres in Belgium, through which hundreds of thousands of British soldiers, mostly very young, marched to their deaths at the front not far away a hundred years ago. One of the worst and most wasteful battles ever. This ceremony, with a relatively few involved, was grief-stricken, moving, beautiful, tear-jerking, in a way that the larger scale commemorations at a huge battlefield cemetary nearby next day didn’t match. At the Menin Gate, it was intimate, a “naked moment” for all involved.

The second one was listening to a piece of music composed jointly by Ravi Shankar and Philip Glass, called Passages, performed live for the first time at the Proms in a packed Albert Hall. The piece is meditative, sad, uplifting and fun at different times, a merging of Eastern and Western music and thought. For all the hugeness of the Albert Hall, it was a moment of intimacy, a special moment between all the players, which reached the audience, and even to me watching on catch-up TV…. a Naked Moment. I’ve sent for the CD of this work, but it won’t be the same as this engaging live performance…..

The third moment was at the end of a tough summer school in New Testament Greek I have just been doing for two weeks at a cathedral near me. Sweating it out with all that difficult Greek grammar, nearly gave up at times, and was one of the worst in class. Nevertheless, all worth it on the last afternoon, when we slaved away at two short New Testament passages translating the Greek. One was from the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew’s gospel, and the other was from the Last Supper account, in Luke’s gospel. It took us hours just to work at these short passages. And yet, it was so real, you felt like you were in the same room while the Last supper was going on, or beside the Sea of Galilee; you could smell the sea, see the large crowd, it was that close and real. Reading it in translation doesn’t have the same effect as this, and it was quite unexpected! A real moment of nakedness…..

In the above quilt wall hanging, called “Presence”, I tried to depict a feeling of closeness, presence, of another person, a spiritual moment of closeness. No pretenses, no hidden agendas, no formality, no polite conversation, just you and them. What I call a moment of nakedness.

Tales of the Unfinishable

I went to an exhibition once called Tales of the Unfinishable. It was by crafters who had not only unfinished projects but projects which they knew to be unfinishable. The crafters explained in a written note beside the work, why they knew it could never be finished and why they had kept it. The reasons varied from “Can’t get those same materials anymore” and “Poor eyesight” or “Arthritic hands”, to “Have moved on in my tastes, styles, way I work”; and some were “Started in a part of my life which was just too painful to go back to”.

I think the above photo of a tapestry, which I started to make in my twenties, represents nearly all of these problems. I was having a nervous breakdown through a lot of my twenties, and I worked away for hours on this traditional tapestry kit as a sort of therapy. The plan was to make it into a cushion to go in our traditional thatched cottage home, where it would have suited perfectly. This home has long since been sold, and as I recovered from the breakdown, this tapestry got put away unfinished. I came across it quite recently in a box marked “Unfinished Projects”, as I was moving house yet again. I opened the bag and could practically smell the unhappiness I had felt at the time of doing it! But also felt some admiration for all that stitching and effort and perseverance I had put into it…..

We all have projects we have started and never finished, or bought and not even started. Somehow we outgrew them, or never found the time. So why don’t we chuck them out? We cling too long perhaps to an outdated hope or unworkable plan. We start too many things and then get bored, or can’t be bothered to learn how, or it turns out to be more difficult than we thought…..

Maybe one should persevere, learn how, make the effort to finish it. I was brought up to always finish things, do what I said I would. Not just waste things, both effort and materials. On the other hand, maybe we should be ruthless, focussed, cutting out of our lives and clutter all those things which do not fit into our current focus and ambitions. Do a ruthless pruning job of our activities, projects, use of time…… It is difficult to know which one should do. Both involve discipline….. It is a difficult decision also to make with each project, whether it is truly unfinishable, or just unfinished…..

When I look at myself and my life, there are lots of aspects of myself which are “unfinished”. Time is beginning to run out, also, as I age. Once one had seemingly infinite time to finish or work on things, now one is aware that soon I won’t be able to do lots of those things any more. I never got to a higher level of piano. I never learnt to water-ski. Should I persevere beyond beginner level New Testament Greek? Which things should I work more on, and which things discard? How do I progress to becoming a better person? Should I be doing more voluntary work? More long walks or trips to the gym? Cook new recipes? More travel? More creative work? More blog posting? Or stay at home and finish the box of unfinished projects?

Thank goodness, though we are an unfinished work, God does not see us as unfinishable. One day, one day, we will be a finished work of God’s creation. What a relief.

Meanwhile this tapestry is going back in the box of unfinished projects, back under the bed. A bit like a photo album from the long ago past, or a decades old diary, it was too much a part of my life to be thrown away.

New Beginnings

This quilt is called “Incandescence” because it looks like masses of light and flames bursting out from the centre. But it could also be called “In the Beginning, God….”, the first few words of the Bible. That is because it looks like a self-starting, outward-moving design, constantly giving forth, growing, creating. And a totally new beginning.

I’ve just finished moving house. Exhausting! (and apologies for no new postings for a while). I had definitely accumulated too much stuff over the years. Had to throw out a whole lot of things representing long past lives, projects never completed or even started, souvenirs, even going back to childhood. Things I hadn’t been able to let go before. A sad and thoughtful process…. But now I have a new beginning in my new home, which I am thrilled with. Actually, it isn’t my real home, it is a mobile home parked permanently very near the sea, a summer home, but I love it. I am doing it all up, and it is all new!

I hope to do loads of creative work there. New beginnings energize me, make me full of hope.

But new beginnings can be deceptive, too. For some reason we think that just by moving, new job, new home, new school, new relationship, we will avoid all our issues and problems, and become an all new, much better person instantly….. We think that with this new start, we will instantly be cured of addictions, bad habits, bad temper, bad ways of treating people, or whatever the problem has been in the past home, job, school, relationship etc….. But sadly, we soon find we are relapsing back into the same bad ways in our new start. We need to be realistic, and work away at all these issues, one at a time maybe, over a longish period of time, and with any necessary help, not expect instant geographic cures.

Nevertheless, a new beginning can be a real kick-starter, on any of these problems, and real encourager to get going and make yourself and your life go better. To grow outward, be creative, touch other people’s lives in a good way, to be “incandescent”, but not with rage, with light and energy.

So I can’t wait to get out there, walk by the sea, make the new curtains for my new home, start a new sketchbook, plan a new series of quilts, etc…!

Diamonds Are Forever

This quilt, “Diamonds are Forever” is the seventh and last in my series of quilts on the theme of money. The seven quilts deal with the different ways we get and handle money in our lives. This one represents wealth acquired through marriage, or inherited wealth. Money that just seems to come to us as part of our lives, that we may feel we are somehow entitled to, and which stays with us more or less permanently. So it represents the greatest security, if you are fortunate enough to have it. Takes away that awful fear of how would I manage without money or a roof over my head.

My quilt is all different white fabrics, a lot of them shiny, with glints of bright colours, because as the light catches the diamond, you see glints of bright colours deep inside it. This quilt looks better with a spotlight right on it, not so good in a photo. I used a diamond pattern throughout. However, when I had finished it, instead of seeing diamonds and hard edges, I saw something much more domestic, of fine linen, sheets on a bed. A marriage chest of linen, a “bottom drawer” saved for that first marriage home. The security aspect of an engagement ring diamond had come out in my art unexpectedly. I find that happens a lot, and can be rather disconcerting. In fact it looks like the ultimate security of cuddling up in bed! So, it is three types of security all in one. The emotional security of marriage, the financial security of wealth, or some anyway, and the childhood security of being cuddled up in bed.

As I sat invigilating my own show in the gallery, looking at my seven quilts on the theme of money, I realised that I had experienced, directly or indirectly, all of them. Luck, cash, bonuses, earnings, productivity, and a certain amount of security (though sadly, not marriage). Together with the dangers of money: fear, debt, envy, greed, spendaholic tendency, going without, lack, shady dealings, insecurity…. It’s been a rather up and down life….

Altogether, money is very two-faced, dangerous even. It comes and goes. Best not to rely on it as your security. Better to rely on your eternal relationship with God as your security. Though sometimes He seems to come and go a bit too….. Hey ho. Back to bed, and the security of going under the covers……

Liquid Assets

Liquid Assets, the quilt wall hanging featured above, is another in my series of quilts on the theme of money. Liquid assets are actual cash or assets you can turn into cash very quickly. No three-months notice to wait to withdraw from your savings account, or having to sell something. It is good to have loads of the readies, but dangerous too, as they are soon gone, spent on goodies, or just quickly disappear into the necessities of life. Very like liquid, it just runs away and disappears quickly. I have been guilty of spend spend spend at times when I seemed to be earning quite well. Easy come, easy go, with me. All that money just sitting in your bank account, or cash lying around, it is just too tempting. Soon gone, then what?

It is the opposite of my quilt “Bankers’ Bonuses” which showed wads of cash locked up safely, hoarded. But both the ability to shop till you drop, or having loads of money locked away, both the cash and the stash, make us feel more secure. Buying things makes us feel more secure temporarily. We are giving ourselves a present. When we got presents as children, it was because we were good, safe, loved, deserved it, or it was a celebration occasion, etc. etc.. So we try to re-create that good feeling as adults. I noticed that I bought handbags when my job was going badly or I had lost it. Handbags made me feel more secure. When I had been dumped by a man, I bought clothes, particularly ones with a fake-fur trim, I noticed. Fur trims probably made me feel like a sweet little girl who someone would take care of….. Men are supposed to buy a new car. Women often want to do up the home or buy a new one. What do you spend your liquid assets on to make yourself feel more secure or cheer yourself up temporarily? Do we turn to God at these difficult moments in our life, our real security and our Rock? No, we go shopping. Foolish us.

In this quilt above, I have made it all watery colours, with fish swimming around, and light reflections contrasted with murky depths. This represents the illusory fugitive quality of cash and similar liquid assets. People thought this quilt was the best of my money series, and I used it a lot in my publicity printed materials. A couple of my longest-term friends bought it, one of whom had been a stock broker, so appreciated the idea. Sadly, they never hung it though. Thought they could have at least put it up in the bathroom…..

The Money Laundry

This quilt above, called The Money Laundry, is part of a series of quilts on the theme of money, which I did for a show in a London West End gallery.

The design is meant to give the effect of money going round and round in a washing machine. If you zoom in, you can see pieces of gold and silver and notes in the smaller squares. It was meant as a light-hearted look at how money is sometimes dealt with.

However, as I sat at the gallery stewarding my show for hours, I realised that all the quilts I had done on the theme of money were relevant to me in some way, and how I handle money…..

No, so far as I am aware, I haven’t laundered any money, but maybe there are some aspects of how I handle money which I am not too proud of, and would like the memory to be blurred, or laundered, from my own memory as much as other people’s. Remember, everything that is done or said in secret, will be shouted from the rooftops one day. I can think of times when I have wasted money, or shopped too much, or handled it irresponsibly or selfishly….. Oh dear….

Undeterred by such guilty thoughts, a nice man bought this quilt to go in his flat nearby. He was something of a collector of wall hangings, and was delighted with the colours and humourous title.

Happy Birthday!

It’s my birthday today, so Happy Birthday to me! Just went out for cake and coffee and the waitress gave me the cake free for my birthday! So I am feeling thankful and fortunate for everything, including that. Small gestures can make a big difference.

I thought my quilt called “Treasure Trove” was appropriate for today, in my series of quilts on the theme of money. These seven quilts deal with different aspects of getting and handling money. This one is meant to represent a huge lucky windfall, such as finding a huge chest full of buried treasure. I have made it using blocks of sparkling stars in different jewel colours. It’s a very cheerful quilt. In real life, these sorts of windfalls don’t often happen. But there are some: a redundancy package, a promotion, scratch card win, unexpected legacy, unexpected refund, a big saving made on something, etc., etc. Even a free cake with your coffee…..

Last time’s quilt dealt with the culture of greed represented in my quilt called “Bankers’ Bonuses”; this time, in “Treasure Trove” the money comes to one by luck or good fortune.

Of course, as Christians, we have a huge treasure trove in God himself, and all his blessings and gifts to us. Luck has got nothing to do with it, windfalls are a gift from God. These blessings, gifts and treasure from God go largely untouched, un-opened and unrecognised, sadly. Why do we not spot them more? Use them more? Appreciate them more?

Today, I feel, is a good occasion for me to say thank you and make a mental list of all the ones I can think of…… Starting from before I was born even. Yes, we should celebrate all these wonderful gifts, blessings and treasures. Mental note, put the champagne in the fridge for later. (Actually it is only sparkling wine, but who minds eh! It’s all good.)

Money, money, money!

Happy New Year everyone! New year’s resolution: must remember to make one. Actually, think I will just soldier on with last year’s. But I love new year, new starts, new plans and projects…..

So here’s my new blog theme for New Year: money. Yes, good old chink-chink. The Bible says the love of money is the root of all evil, though personally I think it is pride. Still, maybe the love of money and pride are linked in some way. Money can certainly bring power, and a sense or security, often false. Both can make you feel you don’t really need God.

A few years ago, I had an exhibition in a gallery in London’s West End, and did seven quilts on the theme of money for it. I seem to work in series of sevens. The names of these quilt wall hangings were: “Bankers’ Bonuses”, “Treasure Trove”, “The Money Laundry”, “Diamonds are Forever, “Liquid Assets”, “The Golden Goose”, and “Rags to Riches”.

After I had done them all and was stewarding my show, sitting there for hours looking at them all together, it dawned on me that they represented the different aspects of getting, making and handling money. The greed behind the group culture of bonuses. Relying on luck. Shady dealing, crime. Marrying a rich person, or inheriting wealth. Having lots of available cash, flashing the readies. Finding a great business idea or asset that makes you loads of money. And making your money from scratch by sheer hard work.

There is nothing actually wrong with money itself, it is useful. It’s only one’s attitude and use of it that can be a problem.

The above picture of my quilt “Bankers’ Bonuses” shows lots of wads of cash, gold bars, silver coins etc., all stacked up in piles and wads. Loadsa money, all stacked up! Very nice, yes please…..But the bars around it make one think it is in a vault, locked up, stored, somehow not available for use; the object being just to know it is there, to dream about, hoard……

If you zoom in, you can see individual fabric strips of printed money, coins, notes, gold bars, etc., together with strips of pin-stripe, suggesting the shirts bankers wear.

This quilt was bought to go on the wall of an autistic boy, I think because he would like the bright colours and cheerful design. A more cheerful, innocent image of money.

Christmas!

This quilt is called “Hope”, which I made a few years ago, and have used as my Christmas card this year. The pale stipe in the middle is hope shining through the darker colours (more obvious on the real quilt than in this photo). Lots of upwards and downwards diagonals, also, which is how life seems to me, very up and down. We need hope amidst all the bad news we keep hearing around the world. That slim strip of hope somewhere in the middle, or a tiny miraculous baby in the midst of the gloomy political world scene of that First Century Christmas.

Babies look recognisably like their fathers in the first few days and weeks of their life. Probably a useful biological fact to help fathers know the baby is theirs and therefore bond with it. After the first few weeks they look like their mothers, or some other relative, or just themselves, but those first few days they are the spitting image of their dads. In Jesus’ case, of course, of his heavenly father.. N0 wonder shepherds and wise men, prophtesses and priests in the Temple when he was presented there, and even Joseph and Mary themselves, had no trouble recognising Jesus as the amazing, holy, miraculous, kingly, divine baby that he was, as well as fragile and vulnerable as babies are. Lots of nativity pictures and cards show Joseph and Mary gazing at their baby in astonishment as well as adoration. What a Christmas present that was! Not just for them, but for all of us. Better get going on my “thank-you” letter!

Well, I have finished my “Rev Sev” series, so in the new year I will be starting on a whole new series of quilts, completely different, for my blog.

In the meantime, I leave you with a verse from a famous Christmas carol, to cheer you up amid the strikes, crowds, and preparations of Christmas time. (See, we don’t only get alleluyas at Easter):-

“Glorious now behold Him arise, King and God and sacrifice. Alleluya, alleluya, sounds through the earth and skies.”

The Tree of Life

The “Tree of Life” is the final quilt in my series of the seven gifts God gives to the faithful in the Book of Revelation. Jesus says:”To him that overcomes, I will give to eat of the Tree of Life, which is in the midst of Paradise.” (Rev 2:7).

The tree of life design appears in all cultures and ages; you will find it in Asian and Indian art, Persian carpets, in ancient Egyptian tombs, etc. It symbolises life, fertility, immortality (in that the seed has to die in the ground for the tree to grow). Its branches look like the arteries and veins in the human body, the life blood. The pattern is also the same as the delta of a big river, so the river of life and the tree of life are closely related, the one needs the other. In ancient Egypt, the date palm design symbolised royal power.

In Christianity, the tree of life appears in the Bible in the books of Genesis and Revelation. In Genesis 2:9, it says: “The Tree of Life was in the midst of the garden (of Eden), and also the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil.” After the Fall, when Adam and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit off the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, which they were not ready for yet, they had to be turned out of the Garden of Eden, in case they ate from the Tree of Life too, and became immortal. An angel was placed with a flaming sword to guard the way to the Tree of Life (Gen 3:24).

Well, the whole history of mankind and redemption later, we find the Tree of Life again in the Book of Revelation, beside the River of Life: “with its twelve kinds of fruit, producing its fruit each month; and the leaves are for the healing of the nations.” (Rev 22:2).

It is comforting to know that the faithful won’t be forbidden to eat its fruit for ever. It is one of the gifts given to those who overcome and persevere to the end. Also very comforting to know that its leaves will heal the nations, instead of them fighting and hating each other…. The whole situation of the Garden of Eden has been restored, and mankind back in its rightful place, but all on a bigger, more worldwide scale than in the beginning.

I feel a huge sense of relief and thanksgiving when I read this passage. Everything is going to be all right, in the end, after all.

In my quilt of the tree of life, I have used twelve different coloured silks, for the twelve different kinds of fruit. I wanted the design to be simple but striking, and also lively, appealing and colourful, drawing you to it across the room. I wanted it to have the joyfulness of running out into our garden through an orchard, with a deep blue sky and a rising-up sun, like I used to do as a child.

Well, that is the last of my “Rev Sev” quilts, and here is a photo of them all together, as shown at Holy Trinity, Sloane Square at my solo exhibition there.